My chauffeur drives a bus

This month completes 15 years since I last drove a motor vehicle. Since then, all my journeys and trips have been on foot or by public trsnsport of various kinds.

Each time my driving licence expired, I renewed it, not because I had any expectations of driving again but because the plastic licence card, the size of a credit card, was easy to carry in my wallet and could be used from time to time to confirm my identity and address. The last time that it expired, I had decided not to renew it as I was certain, for various reasons, that I would never drive again. Ironically, the DVLA renewed my licence automatically without any request from me. It seems that fate requires me to own a driving licence!

The last time I was given a lift by someone in his car, I stared at the dashboard, trying to work out the purposes of all the dials and meters. Some were familiar, such as the speed indicator, but the rest were incompregensible to me. This included the touch screen which the driver used for various purposes several times during the ride. If ever I did drive again, I would first have to learn the meaning of all these dials and how to use them!

Anyone reading this who has a car will probably imagine that life is pretty limited without one. In fact, I don’t find it so. I will admit that when I first gave up the car and started using buses, I had to go through something of an apprenticeship. I remember waiting for a bus and, as it drew level with the stop, naively stepping forward to board it. The driver slammed on the brakes and, having opened the door, gave me a severe ticking off. The problem, it turned out, was that I had wrongly assumed that the driver would simply stop bus at the stop. I didn’t realize that in London, at least, you need to signal the driver to stop. By stepping forward to enter a bus whose driver was not intending to stop (as I had not signalled him to do so), I had risked being knocked down and injured. No wonder the driver was angry!

When I first came to live in London many years ago, the bus network seemed a total mystery to me. On the other hand, the tube network was simplicity itself. It has a clear map that shows the lines, the stations and the intersections between the different lines. You don’t need to be a genius to work out how to reach any station from any other. The only problem is whether or not there is a station for your intended destination. Often there wasn’t and so I would choose the nearest station and walk from there. I did a lot of walking!

I only started using buses regularly after coming to live in Islington with Tigger. Tigger had spent a number of years in London before we met, and as she enjoys travelling about, she acquired what seems to me an encyclopaedic knowledge of the bus network of Greater London. Not only that: she seems able with very little effort to acquire an understanding of the bus routes in any city, almost in minutes. Thus, when we travel by bus, in London or anywhere else, I am utterly dependent on her to reach our destination and return safely home again. If ever Tigger abandoned me in some remote spot such as darkest Walthamstow or Forest Gate, I would have a hard job finding my way home!

For longer trips out of town, we use the railways. This is not an unalloyed blessing, I’ll admit. Fares are expensive and a return journey can cost as much as the several nights’ stay in the hotel at your destination. In some places, such as Cornwall and Wales, train services may end early in the evening and if you do not realize this – being spoilt by the ready availability of public transport at all hours in London – you can find yourself stranded. This happened to us a couple of times.

As far as foreign travel is concerned, the Eurostar takes us to and from many of our European destinations while others can be reached using a combination of Eurostar and local trains. On some other journeys – and please don’t shout at me for this! – we have bitten the bullet and travelled by air. How else could we have managed a visit to my sister in Canada? Well, yes, we could have crossed the Atlantic both ways by ship and taken the train from and back to New York, but that would have taken more time than we had available.

What is the likelihood that I will again drive a car at some point in the future? Virtually none. For one thing, my finances simply do not allow for the purchase, maintenance and upkeep of a car. For another, my eyes are no longer what they once were and I think it unlikely that I could meet the sight requirements. It is safer, as well as more affordable, to conclude that my driving is behind me.

I had a good run. I owned, or had access to, seven cars altogther, including one that had a left-hand drive (awkward in the UK but brilliant in France!) Oh yes, and then there were the car we hired in the Canary Islands and the other one we hired in Turkey. I was quite used to driving in foreign lands as well as the UK and as far as I can recall, I only ever made a mistake once about which side of the road to drive on. This happened on a trip to France when we stopped momentarily in a lay-by and I then drove off on the left. Happily the road was empty at the time and some loud expostulations from my passengers called me to order! Apart from that, my reflexes always clicked in and kept me on the correct side of the road.

Do I miss having a car? The enthusiasm of the preceding paragraph might lead you to that conclusion but in fact, no, I don’t. Not even when standing at a bus stop on a wet and windy day and not being certain whether the buses are actually running? Um, well, maybe, just a little then, but the feeling soon passes. Many of today’s road lay-outs and signage look puzzling to me. If you were to put me at the wheel of a car, I am not sure I could cope with inner-city roads and traffic. Much better – and safer – to let me take the bus!